


You can pretend to love me, I don’t mind

by neighborhoodwitch



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Flashbacks, M/M, No Happy Ending Fest, Past Relationship(s), Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:00:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24854239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neighborhoodwitch/pseuds/neighborhoodwitch
Summary: “just let me love you, and you can pretend to love me. I don’t mind”
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 99





	You can pretend to love me, I don’t mind

**Author's Note:**

> hello this is my first avatar fic and i’m very excited to have a new ship to obsess over

When Sokka fell for someone it came fast and hard, everytime ripping through his heart like a freight train. It was no different with Zuko, but he was the most unexpected. Sokka had always been attracted to power, not for himself, but to those who already have it. 

Suki was strong, much stronger than he could have hoped to be at the time. He was gone after the first time she beat him in a fight. And he fell harder every time after that.

Yue was unattainable. She was a betrothed, forgien princess who had the best possible life ahead of her, but she still chose him. Even for a time. She gave up her life in the ultimate sacrifice, and in that moment Sokka could feel the power of the moon spirit in his arms. Maybe that’s why he has never been able to fully let her go. 

Zuko was the one he never expected, but when Sokka fell for him, he fell hard. When he came to their camp as an awkward bundle of nerves, desperate for their trust and friendship, Sokka had felt bad for him. Maybe that is why he gave his trust away so quickly. Or maybe the deadly beauty of firebending was too much for him to resist. 

Sokka had always been attracted to power. But when it came to Zuko he didn’t realize how far gone he was until it was too late. 

\---

_ The first time Sokka kissed Zuko it had been right after they had gotten free from The Boiling Rock. In all the joy and celebration of their rescue mission, he and Zuko managed to slip away unnoticed. Only once there were tucked into a shadowy alcove and their bodies were pressed together did Zuko speak. _

_ “I want to thank you, Sokka. For-” _

_ “For what?” He interrupted gracefully, hoping to derail the conversation and get back to the celebration. “You have nothing to thank me for. If anything I should be thanking you, you were the one who willingly risked your life to maybe get a chance to save my dad” _

_ He watched as a smile tugged at Zuko’s lips, then fell away. “I want to thank you for trusting me. I know it couldn’t have been easy, especially with the situation we were in on that island.” Sokka smiled at him, hoping he could see it through the darkness. _

_ “It’s not hard for me to trust you. You seem like a trustworthy person once we move past the whole trying to kill us thing.” Zuko flinched a bit and turned his head away. _

_ “I wish your sister had the same sentiments, she seems to find it impossible to even look at me.” Something inside Sokka burned at the wounded tone of voice, no matter how much he tried to hide it. Some part of himself was calling out to be with Zuko, to heal him. _

_ He placed a hand on the firebends arm, he radiated heat as glaring as the sun. “Don’t worry about Katara, I know she's being difficult right now. Just give her some more him to warm up to you. Okay?” Zuko nodded, but Sokka could feel the nervousness rolling off him in waves. He had to stretch a bit to get his mouth by Zuko’s ear, something that will hopefully change soon, but once he did he whispered softly, “I promise you, you'll find a home here.” Because Sokka knew what Zuko needed to hear, what he needed in his life. And that was a safe loving family.  _

_ In a moment of true confidence, Sokka turned his head and pressed a kiss to Zuko’s cheek, right below where the mangled scar turned to smooth skin. He was blushing faintly and struggled to look Zuko in the eyes, but in the shadows of this strange alcove he felt a soft palm cup his cheek. _

_ Slowly in the darkness, their lips met each other. It was hesitant and timid, like neither of them really knew what to do next. So they broke apart, moving as far from each other as they could in the small space.  _

_ “I’m gonna go talk to my dad some more…” He said awkwardly to break the heavy silence. “Talk about the invasion plan some more.”  _

_ Zuko nodded, slightly bouncing on the balls on his feet, a small break in the royal composure. “Yeah no, go talk to him. I think I’m just going to bed. Tell everyone I said goodnight.” He didn’t even give Sokka the chance to speak, much less pull him into another kiss before he was gone. But once he left the shadows felt cold around him, he hurried back towards the campfire.  _

\---

“Don’t you remember?” Sokka asked desperately, now looking slightly down on the new firelord. Part of him raged against the desperation in his voice, demanding he stand up and give himself the respect of a warrior. The rest of him was consumed in fire: jealous, angry, burning fire. Desperation.

“Of course I remember Sokka, how could I forget. Every single slip up is burned into my mind, no matter how hard I try and cannot forget.” Something in his chest cracked when he called it a ‘slip-up’ like kissing Sokka had been a mistake. That everything they shared was wrong. 

He walked alongside Zuko like they were equals, they had never really been equals, but he hadn’t told Sokka to stop yet. “A slip-up? Was I just another one of your mistakes?”

Zuko’s face was blank and devoid of emotion. Sokka knew that was because everything he was feeling was bottled up deep inside. Someday it would come out in the form of a wildfire, but until then he just had to pry it open bit by bit. 

“What about Ember Island? Did that mean nothing too?”

\---

_ When Appa touched down on the sandy beaches of Ember Island in front of Zuko’s old beach house Sokka immediately turned his nose up at it. Even Katara didn’t seem to be a fan of the tropical weather and warm ocean water. _

_ “It just seems unnatural,” He said as he slid off of Appa and helped Toph down, “The ocean isn’t supposed to be warm and flat like this. The only place the sea is ever calm is out in the middle where there's no land to crash on.” Katara nodded in agreement, but she was quickly side tracked by Aang. _

_ Zuko came up to stand at his side, they hadn't talked about what happened at the temple. They hadn’t needed to. There was a mutual understanding that this would have to wait for another time. A time when they were not a group of teenagers trying to end a 100 year war.  _

_ “Oh can it, Snowman. We are only here because this is the one place nobody will think to look. This is not a vacation.” _

\---

“Sokka all you’re doing is telling me about you complaining and me snapping at you.” Fondness had crept into his voice at the old memories though. 

He picked at the sheath at his hip. The leather was beginning to show signs of his anxiety, he would need a new one soon enough. “I know that, but you know what comes next. And these are good memories, Zuko, they are for me and I know they are for you.”

His friend sighed and came to a halt on the garden path they were walking. He had to appreciate how much Zuko has grown into the role of Firelord. His hair had grown long enough to sweep over his shoulders. It was kept pulled back from his face in a strangely elegant top knot. He showed off his scar now, sometimes he even seemed proud of it. And that made Sokka proud. 

“Sokka you know why we can’t do this.” Of course he knew, he had heard it from other people probably a hundred times- half of them from Katara-but until he hears it from Zuko himself, he's not going to stop trying. 

He crossed his arms across his chest, Zuko once told him how much he admired his stubbornness. He was probably regretting that compliment now. “I need to hear it from you, I don’t listen to Katara anyways. And stop sending my sister to do your bidding.” He snapped at the end.

“You’re crazy if you think I could get Katara to do any sort of bidding for me she didn’t want to do.” Sokka had to concede to him, nobody could make Katara do anything and it was so annoying. When Sokka didn’t answer, Zuko dragged a hand across his face. “Sokka please…”

He took a deep breath just to make sure his voice wouldn’t come out thick. “I need to hear it from you. Until you can tell me now and finally cut this loss I’m not going to stop trying. I’m not going to let you string me along, Zuko. I want an answer. A real one.”

“I’m not trying to string you along!” He exclaimed, before lowering his voice so the people of the palace didn’t hear them. “I am not stringing you along, that has never been my intention. I just-”

Sokka cut him off with a stern look. “Let’s go back to Ember Island, to the night after that horrible play.” The groan from Zuko was enough to get a chuckle out of him as he started speaking again. 

\---

_ They were all dragging their feet and the walk back from town. The only person still in good spirits was Toph, who had personally loved being portrayed by a very buff grown man. “I’m telling you guys, that play way spot on.” Everyone gave a collective groan as she expressed her sentiments for the show yet again. _

_ “I was played by a woman.” Aang grumbled from his place in the back of the group next to Katara.  _

_ She wrinkled her nose. “They made me in love with Zuko. No offenses, but it could never happen.” _

_ “None taken,” He said, his voice somehow darker than the rest of them. “I don’t want that to happen either.” He seemed more upset about the play than he was letting on, so Sokka bumped him with his shoulder. _

_ “I mean hey, I was just treated as the comic relief but only with bad jokes. They have it all wrong. My jokes are amazing. And I’m the planner of the group, I do more than eat and think about eating.” His over dramatic pouting was enough to get a small smile from Zuko, nothing more than the tug of lips. _

_ Suki was on his left, Zuko on his right. And from his left she piped up, “Oh no they got the bad jokes part right. You make some pretty terrible puns, Sokka.” _

_ He looked at her and glared, but there was no real heat to it. “Hey! I’m funny! I'm the funniest one in the group!” _

_ “Well it’s not hard to be funnier than Katara.” Zuko muttered to himself, but just loud enough for everyone to hear as it echoed through the night. Him and Zuko both got sharp whacks for laughing, then Aang got a punch on the arm for laughing as well. _

_ “Come on, slowpokes!” Toph called, she was already on the deck for their temporary house. “Last one here has to get out the s’mores stuff!” Everyone was silent and nobody sped up either. _

_ It was Suki who finally spoke up. “I don’t think we are doing s’mores tonight, Toph. Everyone looks a little exhausted. I think we should just go to be.” _

_ “Well I can't see what everyone looks like, but since I like you I’ll take your word for it. We can do it tomorrow.” She proclaimed, then turned and walked into the house.  _

_ Slowly but surely, everyone peeled off from the group. Toph had the room on the first floor because she called dibs on it when they first got there. The next level was Aang’s room, it was actually the floor where Iroh and his son had always stayed, Zuko couldn’t stand to be on it. On the top floor there were four rooms, Katara and Suki had claimed one side which left Sokka and Zuko with the other pair. They had one big balcony both their rooms had doors to and there was one joint bathroom connecting them on the inside.  _

_ When they first got there Sokka had asked why they had gotten such a big house. Zuko had explained that whenever his parents came here, him and Azula came and took one of the double rooms. If Azula was here that meant Mai and Ty Lee had probably come as well and would take the rooms across the hall. Then Iroh on the floor below, and his parents in the room Toph was currently destroying.  _

_ That night, when Sokka was trying to fall asleep, he could have sworn a strange shadow would fall across his room then disappear. It was rhythmic, the same timing back and forth this shadow came. When he finally got paranoid enough to investigate, he discovered there were no Fire Nation assassins or strange spirits. Just Zuko. He was going back and forth on the balcony, his hair falling in his eyes and his hands balled into fists. _

_ He came out and squinted against the moonlight. “Hey.” His voice was rough with sleep and it was sudden enough he Zuko jumped. _

_ “Hi. Why’re you awake?” Zuko’s tone was sharp, whatever was causing him to pace like this was eating away at him. Sokka could tell.  _

_ He leaned his hip against the railing, acutely aware of the way the sea breeze danced across his bare chest. He shivered. “I could be asking you the same question.” _

_ Instead of answering, Zuko redirected the conversation. “You shivered. Are you cold?” Sokka just shrugged, of course he had been a thousand times colder, but right now he would mind a little firebender body heat. Instead of offering him a jacket of a blanket, Zuko came and wrapped his arms around Sokka from behind- he was taller again. He couldn't resist leaning back against his chest, feeling the corded muscle through his sleep shirt.  _

_ They stood like that for a long time, looking out at the moon's reflection on the calm waters. A part of him wondered what You would think, if she was even watching. She would approve, he told himself, she would be happy for you even if it is a firebender he was cuddling up to. “So do you want to tell me why you’re out here keeping me awake?” He didn’t want to disturb the careful silence, but he wanted to help Zuko more. _

_ The arms around his waist started to drop, but he held them in place. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to keep you awake.” Zuko said instead of answering the question. _

_ “I wouldn’t have slept anyways, now talk to me. What's keeping you awake?” He kept his eyes carefully trained on the ocean ahead, trying to make this as safe and as comfortable as he could for Zuko. _

_ He heard a sigh, then felt the hot breath stroke the back of his neck. “It’s that stupid play, I can’t stop thinking about it. You guys were complaining about how you were portrayed wrong, but you were still the heroes for people to celebrate you.” He opened his mouth to object, but Zuko kept speaking. “Even if it was a Fire Nation propaganda play about defeating you, you were celebrated. As worthy opponents or saviors. All the play did for me was throw my greatest mistakes back in my face. It’s not like I can forget them nor will I lose the guilt I carry with me.” Sokka wanted to turn around and embrace him, but Zuko was still talking. _

_ “All it was was a reminder that I don’t deserve your guys’ trust, much less friendship. I don’t deserve to be able to hold you like this. You are a thousand times better than I could ever be, Sokka.” He could feel that Zuko was about to pull away which was the last thing he wanted, so he turned around in his arms so they were chest to chest, nose to nose. “I'm not worthy to love you.” _

_ Sokka cupped the scarred cheek and let his thumb brush over the marred skin. “You are worthy.” Those three words had tears threatening to spill for both of them. “Zuko. You are worthy of our trust. Our friendship. My love. These are things we have given to you because it is what you deserve. You are a good person, Zuko, and I will do everything I can to help you see that.” _

_ No more words were spoken between them that night. They had communicated by the soft brush of lips, fingers skimming along clothing, soft laughter, and hurried breaths. There had been a roaring fire inside him since Zuko first came to them. Every secret touch or glance or stolen kiss in the night fueled it, but this was something else. Sokka felt consumed. Laying his head pillowed on a disgraced fire nation prince’s chest, he couldn't even bring himself to think about the comet coming just days away or what would happen if they made it out alive. All he could think about was the heat that radiated from the man beneath him and how a fire hot enough to match was burning through Sokka leaving behind the determination to make this last. To make this something real. _

\---

He looked at the Firelord, silently begging him to meet his gaze, but Zuko wouldn’t. He kept his eyes carefully trained on the turtle ducks they had stopped to feed, much like Sokka had that night. “You never told me that.” Zuko’s voice was soft but it still startled Sokka out of his thoughts, pulling him away from that night on the balcony. “You never told me that was when you decided to make this last.”

He bit back a bitter laugh. “Was I being too subtle the past years? I’m sorry about that, I’ll make it more blunt.”

“You don’t need to do that.” Zuko cut him off quickly, a faint pink dusting his cheeks.

“It seems like I do since you apparently thought I wasn’t trying to make whatever we have last. You are an asshole, an asshole of epic proportions actually, but I still come here for meetings and every time I tell you the same thing. It just goes over your head apparently though.” He turned on the bench so his whole body was angled towards the firelord and when he didn't look Sokka reached out and made him look. “Whatever we have,” he said seriously. “I love it. I don’t want it to every end and I will take whatever you are willing to give me.” 

There was pain in Zuko’s face, but he wasn’t sure what the origin was. “It’s what we had, Sokka. It’s in the past. It was a different time when we could act like that.” The fire roared through the cracks in his heart, reminding him why he continued to pry on this subject.

“Yeah, because a few years ago we were on the run, planning to kill your father, and had no clue if we were even going to have a future. Now we do. The world is stable again, or as much as it can be and you and I are constantly working to make it better. What changed for the worst to make you act like this?” Some of his pain crawled into his voice. That little bit of desperation he tried so hard to hide. 

Zuko moved away from him, removing Sokka’s hand from his cheek. “What changed? The entire world changed.” There was some of that tell-tale anger creeping into Zuko’s voice. Good. Sokka wanted to fight at this point. “You are right. Only a couple years ago we were on the run not knowing if we were going to survive the next couple months. Our mistakes didn’t matter, Sokka, and that's what it was. It was a mistake and I’m sorry to have given you a different impression.” The anger cooled the formality of his royal upbringing, it made the anger in him glow brighter.

“A mistake?!” He shouted, not caring who heard, let the whole fire nation hear for all he cared. “Is that what I am to you?! Something you regret!? Something you would forget if you could?!” 

He stood up and Zuko stood with him, right now he was grateful for the extra height. “Sokka please that's not-”

He cut him off. “That's not what you meant? I’m sure it’s not, Zuko.” He crossed his arms across his chest, willing the tears that pricked the back of his eyes to go away. He wanted to be angry, he didn’t want to show just how much this was hurting him.

“It’s not.” He pleaded, almost desperately. “I don’t want to forget about it or forget about you. That was everything to me at one point.” He wanted to scream and cry and beg Zuko to understand where he was coming from, but a part of him whispered that maybe Zuko did know and honestly had no interest in him anymore. Sokka couldn’t bring himself to believe it, he wasn’t the only one who got extremely happy when the other came to visit. He’s not the only person who has gotten close to a slip-up.

He looked away and took a deep breath before leveling his gaze with the golden one across from him. “Then what? Because it meant everything to me then and it would mean everything to me now. You can't hide things from me, you never could, I see it when you slip up or when you sit a little too close in meetings. So tell me now or I’m leaving. What changed?”

Zuko let out a breath that left smoke curling off his tongue, he was getting angry, maybe he would yell at Sokka back. “Sokka the Fire Nation is in my hands now. It is my responsibility to undo hundreds of years of terror and violence. I have to be perfect.” He let out a smoky, shaky breath. “You know what it means to be perfect, if you become Chief they will want the same thing from you. Find a suitable woman, settle down, have heirs, be the perfect family.” Something cracked in Sokka because he knew he was right. Zuko was leading a whole nation and changing everything. If Sokka stepped up to become Chief the same thing would be expected of him.

He reached up and scrubbed at his eyes, banishing any wayward tears. He hated how defeated his voice sounded when it came out. “I’m not asking you to marry me Zuko. I’m asking you to just let me love you, and you can pretend to love me. I don’t mind.” He took an unsteady breath. “You don’t have to love me back, you don’t even have to pretend,, but Zuko I need to be close to you.” His voice broke on the world as he said them. 

He watched as both their walls crumbled. Both of them are so angry and paranoid. They are always subconsciously looking for their next fight, but not today. Not right now. Not when Sokka hated the words that had come out of his mouth and hated that Zuko hadn’t said anything. Those golden eyes were wet with tears, no matter how much he tried to hide it, and he licked his lips. Thinking of how to best phrase these next words.

His voice was measured as he spoke, like he was consciously trying to keep himself from saying too much. “I do love you, Sokka,” The inevitable ‘but’ hit him harder than the confession. “But somethings have to come first and the nation is one of them. Dismantling what my father did and earning the world's trust back will be hard enough, I don’t need to make it harder.”

They were quiet for a long time, neither able to look at the other but unwilling to disturb the energy that surrounded them. Eventually Sokka spoke up, “You’ve told me you loved me before, you took that one back. Is that going to happen again? Next time I have to be in a meeting with you, are you going to pull me aside and call us a mistake again?”

Zuko’s response was so quiet he almost missed it. “It won’t happen again. I won’t do that to you again.” 

Sokka managed to straighten his back in some bad impression of composure. He met Zuko’s eyes and held steady, he wasn’t backing down again. He couldn’t keep playing this game anymore. “You know where to find me if you realize having someone by your side makes things easier. And if you never realize that or really don’t love me…” He stepped back and did a formal bow, something he had never done before. Not to Zuko. “Then I will see you next time our paths cross, Fire Lord.” Before what little resolve he had left could break he started the long walk back to his rooms to gather his stuff. He was leaving.

His name was choked out from behind him, but he barely slowed down and he definitely didn’t look back. Zuko knew where to find him, and as much as he hated it Sokka would be waiting for him. No more extended trips to the Fire Nation, no more detours, no more sneaking off with his best friend in strange cities. That was over. Sokka would be there if Zuko came for him, but until then he was severing this line. It was time for it to be over. 


End file.
